March 5th will be hard. I've already requested the day off. What will I do -- pull the covers over my head? Try to divert myself somehow? I don't know. Maybe I should make her a cake and dress in green and knit all day long.
She would have been 33 -- the same age I was when she was born. Some kind of cruel symmetry at work. Today there is a baby shower at work. I wish the young woman well -- but why couldn't E. have had the chance to fulfill that dream?
No, there will never be answers to the question "why?"
This is the year of the Tiger. Her oncologist said she was like a tiger -- full of fight. She fought until there was no more fight left.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
We've gotten through Thanksgiving and Christmas. Did not "celebrate". Now it's the approach of March -- her birthday. Would have been 33.
Some things from last summer come back to me clearly but others are getting blurred. Mostly I feel guilty that I did not stay with her in May. I went home, thinking I would be back in a few weeks to help her through the next treatment. But there was no more treatment.
My cousin's teenage daughter is doing the Avon Walk in honor of E. Some people from work have contributed already. She had some kind of affinity for young girls, so good to be remembered by them.
Also the Guides are wanting to establish some kind of permanent memorial at one of their locations. It would be good to have another "place" for her.
Now, her brother needs to find his way. He has so much to offer but, understandably, has been wallowing in a great slough. He cried at Eddie Izzard, thinking of her. The best way to honor her is to live his own life to the fullest. Be the kind of person she would have wanted him to be.
Some things from last summer come back to me clearly but others are getting blurred. Mostly I feel guilty that I did not stay with her in May. I went home, thinking I would be back in a few weeks to help her through the next treatment. But there was no more treatment.
My cousin's teenage daughter is doing the Avon Walk in honor of E. Some people from work have contributed already. She had some kind of affinity for young girls, so good to be remembered by them.
Also the Guides are wanting to establish some kind of permanent memorial at one of their locations. It would be good to have another "place" for her.
Now, her brother needs to find his way. He has so much to offer but, understandably, has been wallowing in a great slough. He cried at Eddie Izzard, thinking of her. The best way to honor her is to live his own life to the fullest. Be the kind of person she would have wanted him to be.
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